Things I haven’t been afraid to say at school

"I am good at graphic design. You can be too."

"I need to learn how to design for video."

"I’m good at drawing."

"I’m good at writing."

"I’m not great at animation. I maybe could be but I don’t have the patience right now."

Basically, I’ve been able to be honest. HONESTLY honest. Look at the facts of what I am good at and what I’m not good at and what I can get better at. If I have the ability to get better at something, etc. It feels really good. I feel like I’m real at school. I appreciate my classmates and their abilities and opinions. I enjoy helping others out with photoshop and needing help with maya. It’s been a wonderful first quarter and I’m so thankful that I started July 2012 and was able to have the wonderful group of kids in my major that I do.

That’s all for now.

Tags: school facing fears fidm
Sitting in my room,

at age 21.

A room of my own. A room I pay for. A room with trinckets and nicnacs, furniature collected from thrift stores and alleyways that I made my own by adding dark orange silk sheets and drawer knobs from World Market. 

I am sitting on my bed in my pajamas learning how to speak Italian.

I am not in class. I have no homework for this. Yet I know how to have a decent conversation, asking things like “How are you?” “Do you understand?” “I am American and I speak a little Italian” “Would you like something to eat and/or drink?” 

I am making a dream of mine a reality simply by pressing play.

I am recongnizing this in myself because it’s important that I do.

So often, I believe that I live a dull life - that I don’t adventure enough or live the way I want to. 

Yet, look: I am sitting in my own room in Tempe, Arizona - a place I moved to after high school just because I wanted a change of pace. And I am learning how to speak a foreign language. At the age of 21. 

I feel proud of myself. 

I feel beautiful and free.

And I like me. 

Tags: facing fears live free
changes.

changes.

Tags: bangs change life ombre facing fears
False.

A message to you and me:

I’ve seen two posts specifically that correlate with one another and stirred my heart so entirely that I’ve been thinking about it for a week straight. Both having the theme of that quote I heard when I was a kid “If you love something, let it go - if it returns, it’s yours forever…” blah blah blah.

But the more I’ve lived and the more I’ve gained things to lose, the more I’ve seen how incredibly selfish and stubborn that theme is. It’s an action caused by fear resulting in more pain than you would have liked to have, and all because we weren’t strong enough to fight for it.

See, it’s frustrating to me, because I’ve lived that life (and still do without realizing it), and I’ve seen it lived. The whole “distance yourself from people to see if they care.” And I thought “If the whole goddam world is sitting back in their own little corners, nobody is going to have a single friend.”

Life isn’t about sitting and waiting for people to love you. It’s about fighting for that love. It’s about freedom and strength and vulnerability.

When Jesus loved us, did he just take a step back and say “Okay, I love them, but if they really love me, they’ll show me…” Hell no. He FOUGHT for us, aka DIED for us. And I can see it all the more, when God loves us, He doesn’t wait for us to come crawling, though that seems to be the case - he FIGHTS for us. He pursues and desires us. And there’s a shit ton of spiritual warfare going on between us and Him that we’re so blind to cause our eyes are closed and our ears are covered and we’re craddling ourselves in a corner of sobs wondering what the hell is wrong with us. Cause the truth is, you simply cannot have a beautiful, lovefilled relationship with someone if BOTH people aren’t fighting for it. It will always fail if one is fighting and the other isn’t moving.

If you don’t feel like people love you, I’m sorry, but the truth is most likely you’re loved more than a lot of other people. And the only thing it takes is for you to accept and believe it or live life the same, distancing yourself from people, letting them go, gaining the same result of lonliness. (And I only feel confident writing this because I am typing it out for myself as well, to read and believe and live out).

But if you see people how they look at you, with love in their eyes and trust in their hearts and truth from their mouths, guaranteed, you’ll be crying a lot more, but only because there’s so much joy inside of you there’s nothing left for it to do but to come streaming down like a fresh flowing river.  

It breaks my heart to see people say those things, feeling so strongly like “YES, THIS IS THE WAY TO LIVE.” And see how sad they are at the same time. Which only makes sense. 

You’re not the only one, too. It’s everyone. Those people right now, the confident lovers, they’re rare. Therefore, while you’re waiting for someone to pick your friendship back up, they’re doing the same thing, and there it sits, on the ground, dusty and dirty and eventually forgotten. 

If you think you’re being strong by walking away, you’re wrong. Vulnerability isn’t a weakness, it’s a gift. 

Strong is fighting. It’s hard and it’s painful and it’s every day. It’s what we have to do and we can do it together.

(that’s all for now, but so much more on this later…)

Tags: fight for love facing fears
Facing Fears No. 3

Pursue friendships with really awesome people.

A work in progress. 

More to follow. 

Tags: facing fears friends
Facing Fears No. 1 (Finally Explained): Making this Crazy Kid…my…boyfriend. 
This was the last day I spent with him. The following morning he would be hopping in the car and driving across the country to his homeland where he would spend the rest of the summer working in an office, in a rainy city, drawing, sketching ideas for various architectural like things. 
Three months ago, and beyond, ask me, “Long distance relationship?” My response: Pointless. 
Then this goon comes along, shakes my entire life perspective, sits with me through my freak outs…every…single…one…calmly, and likes me more because of them, smiles and replies with simple things like “Where’s the faith?” and “Don’t worry” and not once do I feel he isn’t genuine in saying those things…and they work. His heart calms my heart. 
It’s gross and absolutely beautiful; I don’t understand a lot of it and it makes complete sense. It’s fast and the slowest processing clock I’ve ever watched. It’s three months and a friend I’ve had long before we met. It’s annoyance and silence and hang ups and two minutes later it’s I have to call him back and talk this one out with him - cause I know he’ll be listening, whether I’m yelling, crying, or laughing and he can hardly understand what I’m saying or literally doesn’t know the meaning…it’s this. It’s my first dive in, think about it, don’t think about it, pray about it a lot, think about it more, don’t worry so much, call him your boyfriend.
It’s a shooting star. It’s a confirmation from God through Him.
"I said, God, if you want to show me a shooting star, and give me a chance with this girl, that’d be really cool, and then I leaned forward and I saw a shooting star.”
And So I Said Okay.
It’s been difficult, the distance. It’s been raw and terrifying and at the exact same time it’s been completely normal and easy and joyful and wonderful.
And that is what it is right now. I don’t know any more or any less. Right now, I, Ashlee Elisabeth Lyon, age 20 (almost 21), living in Tempe, Arizona, met a wonderful, mature, goofy, understanding, forgiving, easy-going, adventurous boy named Matthew Caleb Wilson, age 23, (now currently living in Westerville, Ohio) and faced One of my Biggest Fears by becoming a girlfriend. 

Facing Fears No. 1 (Finally Explained): Making this Crazy Kid…my…boyfriend

This was the last day I spent with him. The following morning he would be hopping in the car and driving across the country to his homeland where he would spend the rest of the summer working in an office, in a rainy city, drawing, sketching ideas for various architectural like things. 

Three months ago, and beyond, ask me, “Long distance relationship?” My response: Pointless. 

Then this goon comes along, shakes my entire life perspective, sits with me through my freak outs…every…single…one…calmly, and likes me more because of them, smiles and replies with simple things like “Where’s the faith?” and “Don’t worry” and not once do I feel he isn’t genuine in saying those things…and they work. His heart calms my heart. 

It’s gross and absolutely beautiful; I don’t understand a lot of it and it makes complete sense. It’s fast and the slowest processing clock I’ve ever watched. It’s three months and a friend I’ve had long before we met. It’s annoyance and silence and hang ups and two minutes later it’s I have to call him back and talk this one out with him - cause I know he’ll be listening, whether I’m yelling, crying, or laughing and he can hardly understand what I’m saying or literally doesn’t know the meaning…it’s this. It’s my first dive in, think about it, don’t think about it, pray about it a lot, think about it more, don’t worry so much, call him your boyfriend.

It’s a shooting star. It’s a confirmation from God through Him.

"I said, God, if you want to show me a shooting star, and give me a chance with this girl, that’d be really cool, and then I leaned forward and I saw a shooting star.”

And So I Said Okay.

It’s been difficult, the distance. It’s been raw and terrifying and at the exact same time it’s been completely normal and easy and joyful and wonderful.

And that is what it is right now. I don’t know any more or any less. Right now, I, Ashlee Elisabeth Lyon, age 20 (almost 21), living in Tempe, Arizona, met a wonderful, mature, goofy, understanding, forgiving, easy-going, adventurous boy named Matthew Caleb Wilson, age 23, (now currently living in Westerville, Ohio) and faced One of my Biggest Fears by becoming a girlfriend. 

Tags: facing fears
amongthewildflowrs asked: Still waiting for Facing Fears Part I :)

I was in the process of creating a post about it, and got sidetracked, then looked in my ‘inbox’ and saw this. Don’t you worry, little lady. It’ll happen. Today. 

Tags: facing fears
This Summer: Fuzzy conversations, picture and sound. Smiles and tears, too. Like Ned and Chuck, but easier. Difficult still. Worth it. 
(Facing Fears No. 1: to be explained more later…) 

This Summer: Fuzzy conversations, picture and sound. Smiles and tears, too. Like Ned and Chuck, but easier. Difficult still. Worth it. 

(Facing Fears No. 1: to be explained more later…) 

Tags: facing fears mcw
Facing Fears No. 2: Cut my own hair off. Check.
(No. 1 to be revealed at a later time) 

Facing Fears No. 2: Cut my own hair off. Check.

(No. 1 to be revealed at a later time) 

Tags: summer to-dos facing fears